If only
by dipothebookworm
Summary: A small look into Ciel and Lizzy's life married. For the Ciel/Lizzy writing contest by NerdsRule oneshot, and obviously a Ciel/Lizzy pairing


(A/N: Written for NerdsRule's Ciel/Lizzy writing contest. I don't own Black Butler, Yana Toboso does, and that blows for me. Words bolded for you, NerdsRule. Because I care. Oh, and this is written after my shota baby gets married! Whoo! Probs not gonna happen, yet I can dream, damnit. I can dream. No lemon, but I find veery creative ways to tiptoe around it.)

* * *

He couldn't understand. What made Lizzy love him so much? He wasn't a particularly great husband. Or man. Or even a decent human being. She simply **adored** him. And he was **cold **and **resigned** in return. And yet, after the **bitter** way he treated her, she still stayed.

Ciel had always been a **serious **person. Since the mysterious incident when he was so much younger, he didn't allow people to get closer to him. He had closed off every sector of his heart since his parents died. Lizzy knew that. And didn't care. She was **confident **that one day, she would own his heart completely.

Their marriage was a… work in progress. Living with each other was more or less all right, but intimacy was sort of a problem. The wedding night was so uncomfortable that Lizzy had prayed for an escape. Thinking back on it always made Lizzy hide a smile, and Ciel's **stern** expression wane just a bit. They didn't agree often at first, and that night was a testament to it.

* * *

_Ciel and Lizzy's wedding night. Everyone has left the reception, and they have arrived in London for their honeymoon._

"_You brought SEBASTIAN to our honeymoon?", Lizzy hissed._

"_Sebastian is my butler. He's supposed to go with me everywhere. It's his job."_

"_You're a bloody idiot."_

"_How?"_

"_Can't you spend a week without Sebastian here? This is a time that's supposed to be __**romantic **__and intimate. Especially tonight!"_

"_What are we supposed to do? Take a bath together or something?"_

_Lizzy was rendered mute. The boy was completely innocent of what to do. Of all the things that Sebastian had taught him and explained to him about marriage, he didn't tell him about-_

_Er. Breathe, Lizzy, breathe. She supposed that it would be a learning experience for the both of them. Taking a deep breath, Lizzy looked at Ciel. He was still clueless, and __**expectant**__, as if Lizzy was supposed to entail each ritual of marriage to him. He looked adorable. _

_Lizzy murmured to herself, "How on EARTH do I explain to an eighteen year old boy what sex is? Aren't men supposed to be __**excited**_ _for this? Oh, this is too __**embarrassing**__!"_

_Saving them both temporarily, Sebastian swooped in._

"_My young master and mistress, is everything quite all right?"_

_Ciel looked up at Sebastian._

"_Yes, yes, everything is fi-"_

"_NO!", Lizzy interjected, "Er, Sebastian, can you explain to Ciel what to do right now?"_

"_Meaning?"_

_She saw his smirk and scowled. His orange eyes were full of __**mischief. **_

"_Meaning, Sebastian, that my dear husband is completely ignorant of the working of physical intimacy between a man and wife, and you have been fully negligent in informing him. You have failed as a butler."_

_His smirk was even larger than before._

"_Of course, my young mistress. A thousand pardons. Now, with your permission, allow me to 'inform' the young master on this matter."_

"_Just go, idiot."_

_Ciel looked rather intrigued. He had never seen Lizzy so irritated. She had looked almost like him, giving Sebastian orders._

_Sebastian gestured to Lizzy._

"_Now, would you be so kind as to leave the young master and I alone for a period of time? We have much to discuss."_

"_Yes, of course."_

_Lizzy left the room feeling oddly victorious._

_〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜〜_

_When they woke up the next morning, it was slightly awkward._

_Ciel pretended to be asleep so he wouldn't have to face Lizzy that morning. The night before had been mortifying enough. Why on EARTH had Sebastian not told him about… THAT sooner?_

_Lizzy didn't know that Ciel would have been so_ _**modest**__. For all his parading around and __**sarcasm**__, he had been as shy as she was. Men. Who could figure them?_

* * *

When she became pregnant a year after their marriage, there was sort of an **uneasy** tension. Ciel hadn't moved when she told him. He stayed in his office for the rest of the night. The both panicked.

Ciel was **frightened** out of his mind, and practically frozen to his desk. How could he have a child? He didn't know how soon the day would come that Sebastian would take his payment. And then his child would be without a father, just like he had been for most of his life. And it would be all his fault.

Lizzy sobbed the rest of the night, and finally fell asleep in her chair by the hearth, exhausted. She wasn't ready for this! She should have known that now was not the time to tell him! She should have waited until he was in a really good mood, so he would be happy. Now he wasn't happy. This was all her fault.

As the nine months of Lizzy's pregnancy went on, Ciel had a feeling of impending demise. Eventually, Lizzy was **calmer**, and began to have a rosy, happy glow about her, making the entire manse seem to brighten up.

Lizzy and Ciel had been having a rather pleasant business dinner when she began screaming. The entire table turned to stare at her. After a beat, the wife of the company that Funtom was considering a merger with inquired.

"Elizabeth dear, are you quite all right?"

With a pained expression, Lizzy stopped long enough to answer.

"Mrs. Gedull, I have just… gone into labour and I cannot move for the pain."

Ciel summoned Sebastian to carry Lizzy to the room prepared for her, with a facade of a **relaxed **air.

"Mr. and Mrs. Gedull, I must regretfully inform you that our business here must be postponed, I have a rather pressing personal matter to attend to. I will have your carriage prepared. Have a pleasant evening."

Ciel then proceeded to get up from the table, bow, and run like hell to the delivery room.

* * *

_7 months into the pregnancy:_

_Lizzy had been crocheting a little sweater. It looked horrible, but Ciel tried not to laugh._

"_Ciel, I want you to promise."_

"_Promise what?"_

"_I want you to be with me during the delivery. Support me. It's supposed to be the second-best time of a man's life."_

"_What's the best time?'_

"_The honeymoon."_

_Ciel changed the subject._

* * *

Now, with Lizzy screeching and convulsing with each contraction, there wasn't really much for Ciel to say. Of all the terrible things he had gone through in his fairly short 19 years, this was possibly the closest he had ever been to seeing Hell. And it wasn't even happening to him, either.

"Lizzy? A- Are you all right?"

If Sebastian had been there at the moment, he could have sworn that Lizzy had morphed into the Devil himself when she answered Ciel, for the way her face contorted in rage. She looked **diabolic**, and the nurse issued a quiet prayer.

"There is a CHILD tearing it's way through my stomach. DO I LOOK ALL RIGHT?"

"Not really."

His bluntness, oddly enough, was not helpful. Said no one. Lizzy then endeavored, over the 6 hours of labour, to tell Ciel why this was all his fault, why she hated him, how stupid his face looked, exactly HOW much pain she was in, and how she was ready to strangle him as soon as it was over. Ciel bore the abuse silently, while stifling a laugh. He had never seen her in such state. It was kind of nice. But, we all knew that Ciel was a bit of a masochist, so he shouldn't be taken seriously.

When the baby actually made an appearance, that was when Ciel couldn't take it. As soon as he saw the-

Thump. He was down for the count, and Lizzy was too exhausted to give a damn.

When he finally came to, Lizzy was holding a little hairless bundle, and smiling at it.

"You're awake."

"Mmm. Is it…?"

"She's a girl. I've picked some names out already."

"Doesn't the father choose the name?"

"No, I get to. If you carry the next one in your stomach for 9 months, getting fatter and crankier and sicker until the due date, and then spend hours blowing a human being out, THEN you can name the baby. Her name is Alberta Elaine."

"Those are pretty names for a pretty girl. But her mother is prettier still."

The baby cooed **happily**, as if sensing the **joyful** environment around her.

She had blue eyes. Like Ciel's. Happy eyes. But unlike Ciel's eyes, they weren't full of a dark foreboding.

* * *

Ciel had only asked for enough time for the child to be born. As always, Sebastian granted his requests.

* * *

Those blue eyes would never understand Lizzy's deep depression after he was gone. They would never remember what he really looked like, except in pictures.

She only knew that Mummy missed Daddy quite a lot, and waited **wistfully** for his return.

If only.

* * *

(A/N: DONE! HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA I've postponed this for too long. I really cannot let anyone have a happy ending, I'm so mean. Oh, and vote for this story on **Nerdsrule**'s page, pwetty pwease. REview, as I feel that this was a little rushed at the end. Thanks again to my lovely readers!)


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